Ironic, isn't it? It's been several months, I haven't even looked at the date on my last post, since I've last posted on this blog, a blog I created for the sole purpose of helping me to overcome my self doubt and fulfill my childhood dream. To be truthful, I've forgotten about this dusty thing, though I can completely and with 100% honesty say that I haven't stopped writing or in other words, I haven't given up on myself yet. Go me!
So.....what have I been doing? And what is this new path?
I want a college education. My parents have always pushed me to get a college education. I haven't always wanted one, but working in the restaurant industry and seeing your fellow co-workers and managers, some of which have been with the company for 20+ years, you know you're going to be saying to yourself, "There's no way on this green planet that I'm going to end up stuck here like you." Yet you continue on for the paychecks and the sometimes agreeable fun times at work, though they may be more farther in between than you'd think. And when the harder times come along, it's as if your inner self starts crying out to you, in a feeling louder than words because you've stopped having fun long enough to pay attention! Then the deeper, more heart felt truth follows,
"This is not what I want to do for the rest of my life."
I experienced that a few weeks ago. And I mean, really felt those words come up from the depth of my soul. I had just gotten certified as a first level manager, still paid by the hour, though I'm very happy with my $12 per hour. I was bussing tables like I do on a very typical day. I had my tray organized with stacks of plates, soup bowls, pasta plates, dessert plates, silverware and a nice tower of cups that threatened to topple over and spill their contents all over me. Yes, a very typical day. (Thankfully I've grown more muscle in my upper arms so that I'm strong enough to carry all this weight and rarely spill anything on myself. When I say rare I mean than I can have less than one spill on me, and that's me doing a really great job!)
So there I was, carrying back a loaded tray to the dish room to be sorted and washed, and it hit me, like a little voice crying up from deep inside myself.
"This is not what I want to do for the rest of my life."
And as you can probably guess, the question that followed was...."What do I do now?"
Fortunately, a few months I ago I had already applied and gotten accepted into the University of Houston. My major? Creative Writing. Like I said, I wanted a college education. I had been in college before. I originally went for Graphic Design which changed to Art Education to Math Education and then to possibly Pre-Med. That's quite swing, don't you think? So deep down I knew an Art degree wasn't for me, though I enjoyed it allot. I didn't have a passion great enough for it, meaning I don't think I would've been successful. Math was really possible, I was good enough at it, but also in the back of my mind I would always ask myself "But what about my childhood dream of being a writer???"
Later, under the pressure of my parents and developing a strict realistic view of myself, I decided that it wasn't probable that I'd have a successful career as a writer because it's, and you can quote me on this, "too hard". So, in order to be successful, I decided to try and be a doctor because I like helping people, fully knowing that I'd probably be in school for the next 8 years taking enough science courses to choke a horse...also knowing/remembering that I have never liked science...ever.
Feel free to laugh as you're reading this.
So last fall I went to a community college signed up to take a beginning Chemistry class and Biology 1.
Bam!
Did I mention I don't like science?
Remember the little inner voice I talked about earlier?
So the first day. The FIRST day, I'm sitting in my Bio class where my wonderful professor is wasting 30 mins of class, where he could be giving us a positive kick start lecture, and is instead smiling and cracking jokes about how more then half the students in the room will be gone by the final exam, which was sadly true. So I'm sitting there in my cold plastic seat, wishing for the professionalism I'd taken for granted at the university level when I feel inner voice say;
"This is not what I want to do."
I'm caught a little off guard. I had been studying my options, praying about how I could do the right thing and I had made a decision. Now I was sent back to the chalk board with the question, "What do I do now? What on earth am I supposed to do now?" I had the feeling that I should drop those two classes and start over. Actually I had a strong feeling that I wasn't supposed to be at that community college at all.
And what did I do? I ignored that inner voice and those feelings. I kept going to class because I didn't know what else to do. And I wasn't happy. Bio 1 didn't get better. My teacher had a thick accent and difficulty understanding his students. I worked hard though and I got A's in both classes. I did enjoy Chem enough that I considered a career in that field. So life continued and I wondered where I would go next. I knew I wasn't going back to that community college. I had decided on another, to do what I wasn't sure. I just wanted to make a decision. I prayed for confirmation, or some good feeling that what I was doing was a good idea.
Didn't get it.
Instead, another University came to my mind and wouldn't leave. I got on my laptop. Glanced through the degree listings, while asking at the same time what could this university have for me. And almost as if God had pasted it on my laptop, I click on the English degree and I see in big words, Creative Writing for Undergraduates. It was like a sign from heaven. I was so happy, immediately I just felt so happy! And actually excited about the idea of going back to college! Again! And all these hopes spun up in myself. Marissa Meyer had gotten her degree in Creative Writing and she's had success with her Lunar Chronicles. This is it! I found my path! I am going to be successful!
A great third start for my dream, don't you think?
Me too.
Classes start on Aug 26th.
